Goodbye

I’m still crying
I started last night, while I watched you sleep
I made sure not to make a noise
Or shudder with a sob
I knew it would have wakened you
I left you tearstains
On a pillow that wasn’t even yours
I don’t think you knew
I stopped breathing in the morning
While you kissed me like any other day
Laughed, smiled and tried to make me do the same
I cried when you left
And pretended I didn’t when you got back
I told you I had a cold
I think you knew I was lying
I cried when you went to the bus stop
I hoped you wouldn’t notice when I wiped my cheeks on your shirt
I started crying in an empty bar
I cried on the plane
And I’m still crying now
I told you to tell me we’ll see each other soon
Even if it was a lie
I came up with all these magical things to tell you
But when you were going to school
But when it was the last kiss you’d give me for god knows how long
I didn’t dare open my mouth to say them
I knew my voice would shatter
My face would stop being beautiful to you
I knew I would begin a domino effect of hysteria
Like I have done now

April 2009